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JOKES 4 THE KIDDIES!!

WHY DID THE BABY BISCUIT CRY?
Because its mother had been a wafer so long

DOCTOR DOCTOR, MY HAIR KEEPS FALLING OUT. CAN YOU GIVE ME SOMETHING TO KEEP IT IN?
How about this plastic bag?

WHAT IS A SPECIMEN?
An Italian astronaut

WHERE DO YOU FIND GIANT SNAILS?
On the end of giants' fingers

IT'S RAINING CATS AND DOGS.
I know. I just stepped in a poodle!

DOCTOR DOCTOR, CAN YOU GIVE ME ANYTHING FOR WIND?
Sure, here's a kite

WHAT SHOULD YOU DO IF A BABY SWALLOWS YOUR BIRO?
Use a pencil

DOCTOR DOCTOR, I CAN'T HELP STEALING THINGS
Please, take a seat

WHY DO BIRDS FLY SOUTH IN WINTER?
Cos it's too far to walk

WHAT DO YOU CALL A PENGUIN IN THE DESERT?
Lost

HOW DO YOU STOP YOUR DOG FROM BARKING IN THE HALL?
Put him in the garden

I'VE BEEN TEACHING MY DOG TO BEG.
LAST NIGHT HE CAME HOME WITH £9.50

WHAT DO YOU GET IF YOU CROSS A COW WITH A SHEEP AND A GOAT?
The milky baa kid

WHY DON'T SNAKES HAVE A SENCE OF HUMOUR?
Cos you can't pull their legs

WHERE WOULD YOU FIND A TORTOISE WITH NO LEGS?
Where you left it

WHY DO GRIZZLY BEARS HAVE FUR COATS?
Cos they wouldn't look so scary in anoraks

WHAT DO YOU CALL A SPICE GIRL WITH 2 BRAIN CELLS?
Pregnant!

WHY DID THE BANANA GO OUT WITH THE PRUNE?
Cos he couldn't find a good date

WHY COULDN'T THE BICYCLE STAND UP?
Cos it was tyred!

WHY DID GRANNY PUT ROLLERBLADES ON HER ROCKING CHAIR?
Cos she wanted to rock and roll!

WHY DID THE NURSE CREEP INTO THE CUPBOARD?
So as not to wake the sleeping pills!

WHAT DID THE TRAFFIC LIGHT SAY TO THE CAR?
Don't look now, I'm changing

WHAT DID THE RIBENA SAY TO THE WATER?
Drop in some time. I'll be diluted to see you!

WHAT DO YOU CALL A GIRL WITH 1 LEG?
Jean

WHAT DO YOU CALL A MAN WITH A SPADE ON HIS HEAD?
Doug

WHAT DO YOU CALL A MAN WITHOUT A SPADE ON HIS HEAD?
Dougless!

IF 2's COMPANY AND 3's A CROWD, WHAT'S 4 AND 5?
Nine!

WHY DO BEES HAVE STICKY HAIR?
Cos of their honey combs

HOW DO YOU MAKE AN APPLE PUFF?
Chase it round the garden

WHAT DO YOU CALL A ROBBERY IN BEJING?
A chinese takeaway!

WHAT IS RED AND WHITE?
Pink

WHAT DID CINDERELLA SAY WHEN SHE TOOK HER PHOTOS TO BE DEVELOPED?
Some day my prints will come

WHAT LOOKS LIKE HALF AN APPLE?
The other half

WHAT HAS 6 ARMS, 6 LEGS AND 1 BRAIN CELL?
Hanson!

WHAT DO YOU CALL A MUSHROOM WHO BUYS ALL THE DRINKS?
A fungi to be with

WHAT'S GREEN AND RED AND GOES ROUND AND ROUND?
A frog in a blender!

HOW DO YOU MAKE A GOLD CAKE?
Put 24 carrots in it!

WHAT DO YOU CALL A REINDEER WITH 1 EYE?
No idea

WHAT DO YOU CALL A REINDEER WITH 1 EYE AND NO LEGS?
Still no idea

A bear goes into a bar and says 'I'd like a packet of crisps and.... 1 pint.' The barman says 'Why the big paws!'

A MAN WALKS INTO A BAR
"Ouch!"

WHAT IS E.T SHORT FOR?
Cos he's got little legs!

WHAT DOES A LITTLE EYE HAVE THAT A BIG EYE DOESN'T?
A dot

Got any good jokes? Email me!!

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